Tuesday, June 16, 2009

I hire movies and never watch them

Last Tuesday, while still on holidays, I dropped by the video store. I couldn't find anything interesting in the new release section, so I went to the weeklies. My Civic Video store in Maylands is pretty darn decent - stuff hits weekly quite quickly. I grabbed "Blood Monkey", "Vipers" (starring Tara Reid, no less), "Taken", an action thriller starring Liam Neeson that is still playing in US cinemas, "The Insatiable", "Hybrid", some ghost story called "Driftwood" and "Captivity", a torture-porn thriller I've tried watching at least twice already and failed, but since it was weekly figured I could give it another try.

And how many have I watched? None! I started watching "Blood Monkey", but as is typical when you hire movies from the video store, the disc started skipping after about 15 minutes. Every time this happens, I always wonder - WHAT THE HELL DO PEOPLE DO TO DISCS THEY HIRE? Do they find some olive oil in the pantry and rub it all over the disc? Do they spit on it? Piss on it? Stick it in the microwave or washing machine? How hard is it to slip your finger through the hole in the disc and put it in the DVD player? Instead, 90% of discs I hire have greasy fingerprints all over them, and God knows what else. It really pisses me off. And, when you think about it, really quite gross. You don't know where the hell these discs have been. Touching some icky DVD is probably how I caught chicken pox. It will likely be the explanation when I inevitably catch swine flu. At the moment I'm blaming work, and that will always be my "official" reason, but sometimes I wonder.

In any case, when "Blood Monkey" started skipping I just couldn't be bothered. I ejected the DVD and slapped in Season 5 of "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit". Since I own it, I knew there were no scratches, no greasy fingerprints, no reason for the disc to skip. I watched four episodes in a row. By the way, if anybody knows where I can buy Seasons 6, 7 and 8, let me know.

The weeklies from Civic Video are due back today. Yet another late fee is coming my way. I'll try to watch a couple. I mean, Tara Reid in a made-for-TV snake movie? How can I look at myself in the mirror if I don't at least give it a try?

1 comment:

  1. No comment on the Tara Reid scenario but since you introduced me to Severance, I must admit I'm more open to what I previously thought of as crap. Speaking of crap, you didn't miss anything with Taken. It was uniformly awful.