Thursday, March 12, 2009

Horror movie villians would make great house cleaners

Have you ever watched a horror movie where the killer has just bloodily dispatched a young, innocent camper/college student/mensa candidate? Only the first two? Ever noticed that someone else inevitably strays into the crime scene moments later, calling "hello?" on their search for dead friend/mortally wounded friend/spiritual enlightenment? Only the first two?

In any case, I think we can all agree that there's never any blood, no victim, no sign of any mayhem. The crafty killer, despite spilling blood everywhere, trashing the room etc etc, manages to have the crime scene looking pretty darn pristene by the time other teenagers, police officers and whatnot arrive. I reckon it would be pretty handy to have somebody like Jason Voorhees on hand whenever I need to clean my house. Normally nothing gets done until my parents arrive for a weekend visit and I innocently claim I've been too busy to tackle dishes/washing/vacuuming. And now that it's down in writing, I need another excuse, quick smart.

But as long as I'm not on the premises while he's cleaning house, Jason Voorhees would have the place looking brand new. After all, once he's set a task (normally killing campers) he's completely focused until it's finished. And instead of a cash payment, I could just direct him to the nearest high school/university campus. I don't like teenagers much either, so no guilty conscience, and I'm not out of pocket either.

What? Jason Voorhees isn't real? He only exists in movies? Mum, you know how under the pump I am at work, don't you....?


  1. Lol! Haha- oh wait I'm a teenager... damn it. Well "Mensa candidate" sounds slightly familiar. Are you sure no incredibly smart people go round killing everyone? (dun dun dun!... dun...)

  2. Who's Jason Voorhees? And if he's that good with a mop and vacuum cleaner, why aren't I married to him?